6: The Number of Reasons I Am Not Ready To Become a Parent

Next month I turn twenty-four, which is becoming blatantly obvious to me due to the overwhelming number of engagement and baby announcements that keep popping up in my Facebook news feed. I get it world, I'm an adult now! The family members I played Barbie dolls with are adults. The school friends who giggled beside me during Sex Ed videos are adults. We're all grown up and at a perfectly acceptable age to get married and have babies and live love-filled lives. And being surrounded by all of this love makes me inexplicably happy! Add that to the fact that 9 'til 5:30, six days a week, I'm surrounded by adorable newborns and glowing mums-to-be and it's completely unsurprising that every now and then I get the overwhelming desire to have my own tiny, squishy human to look after.

And then something like this happens, and it reminds me that I am in no way ready to be responsible for the upbringing of another person.

1. I often fail at dressing myself.

A couple of months ago, whilst visiting my beautiful sister and equally handsome nephew, I was trusted with the job of dressing him for the day. After several minutes of struggling, I succeeded and celebrated my win for all of ten seconds...before my sister politely told me "Good job, but his pants are on backwards." As I hung my head in shame, I looked down to see a white tag protruding from my collar. I had also put my own jumper on backwards AND inside out that morning. We all laughed and laughed at how I was embarrassingly not with it 'this morning'... it's happened twice more since then.

2. I find myself constantly shocked by what having a baby apparently involves.

Working at a baby store, I am pretty flippin' in-the-know when it comes to the products used for infant care. Need to know the size of your standard bassinet fitted sheet? I'm your girl. Not quite sure how that Steelcraft stroller folds down? Here, allow me sir. But do not be fooled - this in no way means I know the slightest thing about actual children, giving birth to them, or how to care for them! I am forever trying to disguise my expression of sheer terror when an overly open customer decides to tell me about her less-than-enjoyable birth experience. They cut what open with what?!

3. I am very forgetful. 

The number of times I walk upstairs to my bedroom to retrieve something, forget what it was, and return downstairs with nothing is alarming. Imagine if that something was a child.

4. I am very VERY indecisive.

And if I had a child, I'd be responsible for not only making my own decisions, but every decision for a tiny human who is incapable of doing so themselves. That sounds like a lot of seriously time-consuming hard work for someone who struggles to choose between breakfast cereals (Special K is good for me, but Coco Pops are so damn delicious).

5. I would definitely name my child something ridiculous.

To me, naming another person seems like the hugest, most intense decision anyone could ever have to make. And it's one that I just don't trust myself with yet. When I was four, my family got a pet cat which I called Lipstick (it was a boy cat, too). Twenty years later, I again faced a similar challenge when Windows prompted me to name my new PC. I panicked and went with 'Harry Potter' which is both unoriginal and completely nerdy (if my PC were a child, it would TOTALLY get bullied at school).

6. Sleep is my absolute favourite past-time.

And I'm just not ready to give that up yet.

Don't get me wrong, I think babies are awesome! I think people who have babies are awesome! And I think (and hope) that one day I'll be lucky enough to be one of those awesome people who has an awesome baby and it will be awesome. But for now, I am content with the fact that my biggest responsibility is making sure I wake up each morning and put my shirt on the right way.

15: The Number of Things The Boyfriend Does That Make Me Feel Like I'm Living with a 10-Year-Old

I love my boyfriend. During the four years that we have been together he's made me laugh, smile and feel overly happy. But, at times, he's also made me feel as if I'm dating a child (and I mean that in the least creepiest way possible). Anyone who has held a conversation with him for more than five minutes will completely understand. For those of you who haven't, this list is sure to give you a thorough introduction to 'the boyfriend'.

1. He spends the majority of his money on Lego. That shit is EVERYWHERE!

2. His Saturday mornings are spent in front of the television, watching cartoons.

3. He will often talk to me using only cat noises. So often, in fact, that I'm starting to understand what *meow* or *meow mew meow* means.

4. He won't brush his teeth before bed unless I remind him - and even then it's a struggle to get him to actually do it.

5. I am constantly being subjected to the latest sci-fi or superhero movie.

6. He owns not one, not two, but three pairs of Star Wars pyjamas. And a Jedi bath robe.

7. 90% of his book shelves look something like this:

8. Except for the one shelf that houses his extensive book collection:

9. Over-dramatising the tiniest thing is his specialty. For example: "I don't want to hang the washing out, you're ruining my life!"

10. When shopping, I am constantly dragged to the toy aisle and told "I want this!"

11. Come Christmas time - or birthdays - the majority of his presents are, in fact, toys.

12. He is scared of making phone calls/talking to people, which means I always have to make hairdresser appointments for him or order food at restaurants.

13. His favourite bedtime activity is playing games on his phone.

14. He collects Transformers. In fact, any space that isn't taken up by Lego seems to be filled with an Autobot or Decepticon.

15. From spending time with him, I actually know the difference between an Autobot and a Decepticon.



But, despite all of his quirky traits and strange obsessions, deep down I think he's pretty flippin' awesome.

13: The Number of Wedding Magazines I Currently Have In My Possession

That may not seem like a lot. But for someone with no ring on their left hand - and someone whose boyfriend has no intention of putting one there for several years - it is. Add that to the hundreds of pins I’ve added to my ‘Wedding Plans’ Pinterest board, and the various Bridal Expos I have attended over the past couple of years, and you have the makings of a psycho killer – which is what said boyfriend refers to me as whenever he catches me doing any of the aforementioned.

 I’m not sure what it is that makes me so obsessed with all things wedding related. Scratch that, I know exactly what it is! The swishy dresses, sparkly jewellery, beautiful up-dos, incredible stationary, cute flower girls and OH-MY-GOSH-SO-MANY-PRETTY-THINGS! Seriously, if wedding dresses weren’t so damn expensive, this would be me every day of my life:

And I know I’m not alone! I know this because as well as rifling through bridal mags and scouring wedding websites, I also talk about weddings. A LOT. And instead of making fun of me for being a sad, sad individual (okay, a number of them have also done this), many of my girlfriends have admitted to being equally guilty of my faux-bride crimes.

And that’s totally okay! As kids we all loved playing dress ups, imagining we were something or someone else and planning our amazing futures. And as adults, that feeling hasn’t completely gone away. Why did we do it then? Because it was flippin’ fun! Why do it now? Because it’s still really, REALLY fun. And if you ask me, anything that brings fun to our lives is a big emoji thumbs up. 

Whether it’s obsessing over every detail of a life event that isn’t even set to happen yet, or adopting an adorable four-legged-friend – you should go out and do whatever makes you happy!

So ladies (and gents – I’ve definitely caught the boyfriend skimming through my bridal magazines more than once)! Whether you’re engaged, super single, already married, in a loving relationship with yourself, or completely against the concept of marriage; go forth and flip through a never-ending pile of glossy pages dedicated to white dresses and seven-tiered cakes without shame! Because it’s fun, and fun should not be exclusively enjoyed by bride-to-be’s.

10 : The Number of Months It Took Me To Publish This Blog Post

It’s been a long time coming. A work in progress for the past ten months. Well, the past 10 years if I’m completely honest. But today I officially begin my blog-tastic venture. I’m not entirely sure why it’s taken me so long to write my first post – anyone who knows me well will tell you that I always have something to say. But, alas, I just haven’t been able to find the time motivation to pump this bad boy out. It all started in December of last year, when I completed my University degree (YAY), realised how much free time I had on my hands (okay, let’s be honest, I had a lot of free time as a uni student) and decided I wanted to do something with said free time. *Light bulb moment* A BLOG!  I signed up, came up with a strikingly witty Title and theme and commenced typing, which went along the lines of...

A few months passed, during which I effectively utilised my post-degree free time by watching countless television series’ (seriously, had nothing changed since my days of studying?!) and job-hunting – AKA scrolling through websites filled with classifieds, whilst constantly crying that I will never find the perfect job and have my dream career.

Amidst my busy schedule, there was clearly no time for me to be creating online posts.

In April I finally got a job (YAY) in retail…after four years of studying marketing. But, no problem, I would embrace this opportunity and use it as the first stepping stone towards my bright and shiny career.  Seven weeks later I resigned. Not because I’m above retail – in fact, I actually really loved it. Rather, it was because this particular Electronics company, who shall remain nameless (think male genitalia, and an extremely common surname) did not seem to care for their employees, nor their training or development. #rantover I was fortunate enough to step out of that unenjoyable position and into a new, amazing retail role within three short days.

Which brings us to now. I’ve spent the past four months working with some amazing people, selling incredible products to expectant mothers and new parents. And I love every minute of it! Perhaps this new headspace is making me want to continue with something else that I love – writing, and having people read my writing. Whatever it is, I’m here, I’m posting, and I’m excited for this new adventure - counting every day, and making every day count.